46.

To give a few facts about myself, I am an artist and art teacher. My schedule is quite full. But all through the year I take weekend painting trips with a dual purpose, one is to paint and the other is to cross over in my lodging for the night. Which compulsion is stronger is difficult to say, but as an artist yourself--an artist with the pen--you too know how strongly the urge is to create. Right now I'm seeking a new friend with whom I can share a room and where we could come and go, cut and sew and follow our heart's desire as we wish. Traveling as I do, I have tailored my wardrobe to the size of suitcase I can best manage, as well as being able to store my things in the studio. Generally I like very frilly things, but cannot always fulfill that wish.

As is the case with many others, I oft times have wondered how this all started. My earliest recollection about age 10 was when I went to a children's dancing class as a girl--it was a masquerade and quite intentional. This was my own choice I recall and the very naturalness of it made me so at home in other clothes. All during my teens I followed the practice secretly, then as an art student in N.Y.C. in the Village where anything goes, I met others. That, with a short session at a psychiatrist's only told me that I was not alone in my pursuits Small satisfaction! With the advent of marriage, I generally thought that the urge would abate. Oh how little did I know. Abate HELL! It increased tenfold, and then I had to begin the series of small deceptions which have grown through the years.

Now that I have my own studio, things are a bit easier in that respect, but never being satisfied with what we've got I now want my own roon or apartment with more feminine surround- ings. Your logical thought at this time might well be, "Well, why not try divorce?". I suppose I haven't because I'm afraid. Afraid that the inevitable money settlement would leave me in no position to buy new things which-seemingly-I must have. So where is the end, what have others done? Is their idea like mine, to work hard to get enough money to have a home away from home, What will be the final answer? The tensions must

be sated somehow!

Your wonderful efforts strike me in one

way as your own